The Best Intentions Get Lost in Traffic

Intent... Such a magnificent word. Action... Not so much. It has been two years or more since I geared up to catalog my life. My dreams. My hopes... Time ticks by at light speed these days. No more lazy winding rivers.  Niagara pours over my banks every day. I lost another daughter... a story for another day. My pregnancy track record has been less than stellar and quite painful.  But in the end... I won the war and added a son to the ranks of the family unit.  Daughter is now 10 and son is now 10 months.  PTA volunteering has become a distant dream.  Learning how to reassure my princess that she is still just as loved now as she was before brother has been a challenge. Don't get me wrong... she adores her brother and is the best sister ever.  But as to be expected, I continue to hold myself to such unachievable levels of grandeur that I must love everyone perfectly.  Late night feedings, mid day naps, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and oh yes... stressing, consume me.  Life as the rat who obsesses over the wheel has been a daily struggle.  As a mother in this world, I put myself at the bottom of the totem pole.  I know that in order to successfully give of self, one must care for self.  The how escapes me.  Where are the extra hours?  What shelf did I put my dreams on?  How do I sift through the dust to return to achievement?  What is my destiny?  I think this moment is my green light.  This is when I put the gas pedal down and begin again.  Now...